The Swamp Road Chronicles

"Sally Is Mean!"

Dear Swamp Road,

 

I have read everything you have posted on this site and I have finally reached my limit; I can't take it anymore!

People say Sally helped them, and others say she even saved their lives; B.S.! I have had a personal, up-close meeting with her and she has ruined my life. I'm going to tell you some things here that would get me in trouble if I told you my real name, so I using a false name and I'm using a library computer so the cops can't trace this.

 

Last December me and my husband had no money. We have no kids, but I like to get my mom a little something for Christmas and Ike has 3 kids by ex-girlfriends. We needed to make some money. I had a part-time job at the Duke gas station over in Pataskala but they expected me to be on time, no matter what, so that didn't last long. I ask you, how can you expect a woman to go to work when she has been up all night fighting with her husband?

I called off work ONE TIME so I could go out drinking with my husband's ex and they wrote me up for it.

 

Anyway, Ike and me was watching TV one night and they had a story about how people were stealing Cadillac converters off cars and making thousands of dollars. Ike looked at me and smiled. We had a way to make money! The show told us all we needed to know and where to take them after we cut them off. We had a business of our own!

 

Ike needed a thing to cut off the 'verters as he called them. He didn't have one, but he said he knew where he could get one. I saw cops at a neighbor's house the next day. We started out in Kirkersville and it was easy as pie. I kept watch while Ike cut the 'verter off a brand-new Jeep. It was up off the ground, so he could get his belly up under the Jeep without much trouble. Ike likes his beer. He's a Bud Light man, all the way. He said we could get $300 for that thing.

 

We were going to have a good Christmas after all. I may be sentimental, but I believe in sharing the Christmas spirit and doing like Jesus did and give presents and such to everybody. I always get my mom a fifth of Crown Royal and my husband 4 cartons of Camels. They really appreciate it, too.

 

Next, we went out on Swamp Road; it is super dark there, which was good for us. There are a few houses at both ends of the road, but none in the middle where the swamp was. We spotted a Ford F-350 in a driveway, perfect!

The driveway was rutted and so the center of the driveway rose up and Ike couldn't get up under the truck well enough to work. He had brought a "Quick-Lift" jack and used it to raise the truck several inches so he could work.

You would think that the red-neck who lived there would be courteous enough to level out his driveway, wouldn't you?

 

Ike got busy cutting off that 'verter as I kept watch. Things seemed to be going good when I saw someone crossing the lawn toward the truck. I hissed at Ike and said, "Somebody's coming!" I guess he didn't hear me. Ike told me later that she was Swamp Road Sally. I didn't know, I just thought it was some nosey neighbor woman. She walked right up to that truck, bent down and looked right into Ike's eyes. He let out a scream like a 5th-grade girl. A six foot 340 pound 5th-grade girl. He was so scared he tried to get away from her and kicked out the jack that was holding the truck up. The truck fell on him, pinning him to the ground. The porch light of the house came on and I could see men rushing about inside. I hated to do it, but I jumped into our Kia and got out of there.

 

Ike called me from the Licking County Jail the next morning and told me to bail him out. I had no money, so, he stayed in jail. I guess the Judge wanted to make an example out of him so he gave him 8 years. Of course, by the time he gets out I will be re-married. I really loved him, but I don't like being alone, and Slim treats me real good.

 

So, you can see why I hate that Swamp Road Sally girl. She's the reason I lost my precious Ike that I loved so well.

And, it is her fault for me having the poorest Christmas of my life and couldn't give presents like Jesus did.

 

Anonymously submitted 5-31-23


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